before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
