Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
