Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
