Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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