Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
