I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
