so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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