I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
