I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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