take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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