I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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