Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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