can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
