i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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