Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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