Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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