Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am available for nakedness
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
