whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
