Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
