You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
