God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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