I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
