Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
