I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
