What a fucking waste of an outfit
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
