uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
