Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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