Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
even my farts smell like vagina
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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