4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
