Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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