Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
