I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
