this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
