Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
