i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
