everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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