I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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