Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
