I wish my penis had an off switch
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
