If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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