oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
