I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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