I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
