Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
