ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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