I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
