Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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