a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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