I just made out with a guy for $7.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
