He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
