wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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