tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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