I think i sorta joined a cult last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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