Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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