What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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