I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
