Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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